Recovering Life

There have been some who have used addiction as a metaphor or an actual analysis of over-consumptive and abusive relationships to our world; so, it is appropriate to refer to the teachings of a group that seems to have some expertise in recovery. In Alcoholics Anonymous, there are steps that are suggested to recover from addiction and to create a sane life. These steps can lead folks into a spiritual, loving life rather than the selfish, abusive, isolated life of addiction. With all respect to Alcoholics Anonymous, I will paraphrase these steps and view them in the context of the developed world’s addiction to consumption and its corruption of our relationships within Earth.

The first step is to admit and accept that we have the addiction and that our relationships and behaviors are unhealthy. We must realize that the current situation has gotten out of hand, that we cannot manage it, and that we cannot continue to behave as we are. We must arrive at a turning point through desperation for a profound life change.

In the second step, we have to believe that some power greater than ourselves can restore sanity. That power could be community, god, love, or something else but we must allow that it is a power greater than our selves.

Third, we have to decide to turn our selves over to this power. We have to move towards becoming selfless and unselfish and begin to act according to the natural order of the universe and for the good of all.

Fourth, we have to make a fearless moral inventory of our selves. The fearless aspect goes to what Hooks means when she says that love and fear cannot co-exist in the same heart. The inventory is the realistic naming of our assets and liabilities and acknowledgment of the truth of who we are with Earth.

Fifth, we have to confess. We have to admit the errors of our past and honestly and truthfully share them with others who within a healthy community can hold us accountable and help us to act in new and healthier ways. We cannot allow despair over past wrongs to prevent us from moving towards a new way of thinking and living.

Sixth, we must be sincerely ready to make changes. Some of these changes will be minor and over time, but we must be willing to make profound changes in who we are and how we relate to the world.

Seventh, we need to let go of our old ways, readjust our attitudes towards Earth, and make right our relationships. We need to move into a spiritual life that lovingly connects us with our surroundings at a deep level.

Eighth, we have to make amends for the mistakes that we have made. It is not enough to confess them. We must make sincere efforts to restore the destruction of our past action and we must do so with a mind towards not creating more harm.

Ninth, we need to take direct action. Merely saying we are sorry and that we want to be different are not enough without profound psychic and concurrent behavioral changes. There must be real action to make change manifest.

Tenth, we must be willing to maintain vigilance and constantly monitor actions and our lives. We cannot complacently think that we have changed and that is that but rather we need to frequently reflect on our lives and make continuous assessments of our new way of being.

Eleventh, we need to seek to improve and maintain a constant connection with our natural world and actively seek to be aware of the universe’s intentions. We need to act according to those intentions; this requires quiet minds and active listening – some suggest mediation within a natural setting.

Twelfth, if we have a spiritual awakening and a psychic change through these processes, as we should, we need to share our understanding with others. This should not be evangelistic but rather by example and modeling. If we practice an ethical, principled, spiritual, and loving life in all aspects of our existence, we will not only institute change in our existence but perhaps, influence others.

Smells #1

Hyacinth is a flower that grows from a bulb and does not tolerate the south Florida climate. So, why have I spent an exorbitant amount for one that will not last more than a week? It’s the smell.

I sniff the small petals and even through my smoke damaged sinuses, I can whiff her fragrance that zips me back to a past. I can exaggerate the sensation by closing the house, turning the ac way down, and then take a hot shower. When I come from the shower I go immediately to the blossom and inhale deeply. ZOOM!

I am back in the Pioneer Valley. It’s winter. The hyacinths are blooming in the hot houses and are just getting into the stores. I walk across pristine white snow, listening to the crunching of the children’s shoes breaking through the top crust. My nose is a bit runny from the cold. The cold dry air is cleaning my nose like water cleans the palate. The snowfall has cleared almost all aromas. Perhaps, smoke from a chimney passes but on the campus there are few of these. Central heating now.

We arrive at the college botanical green houses. We walk quickly through door, anteroom, and the second door and into the first house. The humidity and smell of the hyacinth hit us all right inside the door. It is a sensual blow that is captivating, exciting and quieting at once. There is nothing else going on in our lives at that moment. It is a sensual meditation.

The children quiet and move from flower to flower. Hyacinths, roses, orchids each with a particular fragrance and look. The hot house is unseasonably heated. There are oohs and aaahs and a few zipper sounds as jackets are opened to the warmth. By their own volition the children have adopted their library voices. We are dazzled by the splendor of nature even in this unnatural setting.

Gently their animation returns as they politely jostle to show each other a discovery. Yet unnamed to the four-year- olds, stamens and pistils wave at them from within the petals. Colors not seen for months throughout the winter are now demanding early attention. We wander through the aisles of plants. It is ok to touch, to see, to feel with all the senses. It is wonderland.

Afterwards we rezip the winterwear, clamor back into white clean world outside. We wade through the snow back to the school room, hugging our memories of odors and colors and textures that won’t be seen again for weeks more.

For this I pay $5.

To Giulio

looks like sleep but…
O2 mask doesn’t hide,
belies what’s true.
paint the nails, slick the hairs,
still for me you’re not there
where you generated grins -
ear to ear perhaps you’ll hear -
grins so slyly filled with teeth;
some even yours we’d joke.
i stroke your stroked head,
hold your cooling hand,
massage forearms hard
from hammers and saws,
all my way, viejo amigo,
to say, adios;
saw you when...
hasta luego.