apology

This is the month of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, respectfully August 6th and 9th. This year’s been 65 years. This is the first year that U.S. – read us – sent a formal representative, an ambassador. Never has our president gone. Never has there been anything near an apology and probably never will there be.

I read an online AP article about the memorial celebration at Nagasaki, where the ambassador attended. The article pointed out that the Japanese are not looking back and expecting apology for the past; rather the memorial is to look to the future to prevent more nuclear bombings. There was an online chat following the article in which apology did come up and in which there were some very harsh words and bitterness and anger and it set me to thinking about the nature of apology.

It is odd to me how confused we have become about the nature of apology. Working from the personal out, I would say that an apology is not explanation for what I have done. It is not an acceptance of what another has done (that is forgiveness.) It is not an acknowledgment that what another has done was right. It is not an admission that my action was not justified. From what my moral teachers have passed on I have these notions of what apology is.

An apology is an acceptance of responsibility for my actions because regardless of all extenuating circumstance and contexts, I have a choice. I am responsible for making and carrying out that choice. In small child terms, even if you hit me first, I am responsible for whether I hit you back. This does not change as we mature and extend this to international behavior.

An apology is a recognition that what I have done in some ways has harmed, hurt, the other. Again in child terms, if I hit you it does not feel any less painful to you because you hit me first. This is so even in the case of war.

An apology is fundamental to healing. It means that I am willing to move to the next stage of healing – forgiveness. Without apology and forgiveness we continue to be in pain and create pain. It is much like picking at the scab of a wound. It will never heal properly.

Perhaps, this is why our teachers always made us children say we are sorry to each other regardless of who hit whom first. Perhaps we have forgotten those lessons as we grew older and tougher or perhaps we have regressed to childhood and are without a teacher to intervene.

Whether we were right or wrong in dropping the bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, whether we were justified or not, even though the Japanese acted horribly in the war, even though the Japanese still owe an apology to China, the US, or others, we can take responsibility for the bombs we dropped, the harm we caused, and be mature enough to simply say, “I am sorry.”

This simple act of apology does not change history. It does however impact the future. It allows us to recognize the horror of nuclear war. It facilitates healing which in turn helps avoid further conflict. It models the behavior we hope our children will learn and follow.

So, with all of the caveats and explanations understood, I am sorry that we dropped Little Boy and Fat Man on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I am sorry for the suffering and pain they caused. I hope it never happens again and for my part I will endeavor to keep it from happening again.

Within this frame, I have for a number of years called Japanese friends on August 6th and apologized. This year we happened to be in a sushi restaurant and I apologized to the young waitress, who seemed and bit embarrassed. On the way out the chef/owner was standing near the door. I apologized to him. He smiled slightly. Bowed. And said, “thank you.”